Pin by This Retirement Life on Quotes and Jokes for Retirees Funny
Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay. How can you ever be sure people are happy you get to retire and not happy they finally got rid of you? You're never too old to retire, but you're always too old to find a new job! I hear retired people have a much higher death rate than working people. I wonder what that's all about?
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Retirement jokes are funny and old age is certainly a funny thing too. Our bodies start to ache in strange places, hairs start growing out of even stranger places, and our memories start to fade. On the plus side, we get to retire and enjoy a life of leisure. Here's a collection of funny retirement jokes to celebrate that special time of life.
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Laugh retirement in the face and lighten up with a bit of humor. Use the following retirement jokes and quotes for the final farewell speech, the farewell card, or just for a different perspective while you check your life savings:
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Celebration The idea of retirement is that it's a time of relaxation, rest, and rejuvenation. But it is not without some hilarious moments. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. Funny retirement jokes help lighten the mood during times of stress.
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"In retirement, you have two options: travel the world or travel from the couch to the fridge." "The best part about retirement is that you can wear your pajamas all day and nobody cares." "Retirement is the only time when you can start a new career as a full-time grandparent."
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1. Hunting Buddies A couple of retired buddies went hunting. After tramping through the woods for the day, Walt's friend clutches his chest before collapsing on the ground. Calling 911, he frantically explains his friend isn't breathing and appears to be dead. The dispatcher asks "First, can you make sure he's dead?" "Hang on" Walt said,
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In seeking a retirement job you may be unfamiliar with the current argot (sic) of the profession. And some of these descriptions are not retirement jokes! JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY - We have no time to train you. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE - We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
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Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did. 31. You know you're fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards. 32. You know you're getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party. 33. To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid. 34.
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"What do you do now that you are retired?" a friend asked him. "I am fortunate to have a background in chemical engineering and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, scotch and.
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Oh wait, yes I do. Retirement means giving up the throne for a porch swing kingdom. Why do retirees smile all the time? Because they can't hear a word you're saying! Retirement is like a never-ending tax holidayโฆ without the holiday. Retired: Too old for work, too young for heaven. I'm not retired, I'm a professional grandparent.
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Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. One liner tags: money, retirement, time 80.56 % / 410 votes. Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious. One liner tags: retirement 80.48 % / 247 votes. The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy".
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Best Jokes About Retirement 1. My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean we're playing the lottery 3-5 times per week. 2. If the music's too loud you're too old. 3. I've learned that saying "oh, this old thing?" isn't an appropriate way to introduce an elderly relative. 4. I love coffee.
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What are your favorite jokes about retirement? Leave them in the comments section below. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. Who ya gonna call? Fly.
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1. "Retirement is the perfect time to start living like a child again - without curfews and homework!" 2. "Why did the retired teacher become a gardener? Because she wanted to help things grow, even after retirement!" 3. "Retirement is like a vacation in Las Vegas. Your goal is; enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money!" 4.
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You or a friend finally made it to retirement age? You've realized that your years of hard work are over, and now it's time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. But retirement can be boring - only can be! So here are some jokes you can tell, keeping the party going! Sharing these jokes? ๏ธ๏ธ Please add a link to this article.
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1. How do you know you are old enough to retire? Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! 2. Why don't drummers come out of retirement? Too many repercussions. 3. I know lots of jokes about retirement, but none of them work. 4.